I passed my WSET 2 with distinction. I got 2 questions wrong. I felt amazing. I also felt that I would have to swallow my pride if I did any less than that. FFS I have been working in wine for 8 years, it’s embarrassing if I did poorly. I have taken a pause for multiple reasons from doing the level 3. Mostly I’m scared shitless because while I love scents, I don’t have a great sniffer and there are times it fails me…it’s a medical problem. I feel like with tons of studying, I would probably do really well, maybe not distinction but passing with a decent mark. But I don’t trust the taste portion and again I am left feeling anxious about being in an industry where someone looks at me and points, you aren’t good, or you aren’t as slick as you think. I have an honest to god problem with failing…or people judging me. I hate being evaluated, and yet I have been assessed my entire life and I don’t know any other programming than to feel a need for ranking or charting. Like I’m some friggin billboard hit or song waiting for this week’s position.

I hate to feel that level of insecurity. I really do. I also hate that in order to justify my level of competance in this industry, so that I can move ahead, it requires a 1500$ training/exam fee. It shouldn’t really shock me as all education is a fee and why would wine be any different. You get the tools from a registered educator, drink a bunch of wine, learn stuff from reading, and then say, ITS A CHENIN or ITS A PINOT. I doubt they would put a friggin esoteric wine like a Canary Island red, although I would at least be able to narrow it down to a volcanic region based on texture/minerality. But I am not good with knowing regions… I already fear not having the knowledge prior to receiving the knowledge. It’s like, I should be able to ace this fucker now and the class is really just to say I did it, but like didn’t actually need it. Again, I say 1500$ dollars. I could deal with it, ALMOST, if I wasn’t already 23K in the hole. (Insert emoji with tears streaming down.)

I thought to myself today about all this. I said, you need to just invest in yourself. You aren’t going to get out of this predicament if you don’t. The exam/course is there to have you pass, not fail. I frequently feel like Im not meant to succeed. I frequently feel like marginality is what is always in store for me and every time greatness comes to mind, it’s fleeting… OH THERE IT IS! ANOTHER AMAZING IDEA….. and now I’ll wait for it to never be. Man, it’s that level of completion I fail so miserably at. It frustrates me to no end. Not even to sound obnoxious, although, assuredly this will, I am just so tired of being over qualified and under prepared. Preparation is not organizing your desk and sock drawer by patterns and color combinations….ok for some it is…. for me it is an absolute OCD interference that prevents me from doing shit. I have no F’ing knowledge about business. I need to take classes. I want to be over the learning and just in the implementing stage. Here’s another frustration. TIME! Never having time to do it all and yet never failing to waist time watching 80s shows instead of getting stuff done in the morning prior to work. But Im Tired. But I hurt. But I need to Recharge! But I Need to Give No Fucks. But I need to Sort Laundry. But Im Tired. Oh, Instagram…..I need to store K-holing Reels for over an hour on Instagram. I need to truly be off that fucking app.

I HAD SOME POINT HERE…I SWARE!

Investing in yourself. I need to. Im exhausted in my own complaining. I have such little will to use punctuation as well. So Be It! Meet me in the art room with black jack gum. Anywoo, Yeah, futures….Need to get sorted. Need to create a plan. Ok, It’s September 25th… I will simply end the year the way I ended last year…I will be sure to register for the WSET 3 for 2026. Let’s see—Oh jeezus christ, it went up to 1795$. That’s insane. Ok, it is what it is. Shit, the class in SF Isn’t until April, with exam in July. Another whole year? I just can’t get to S. SF on a Sunday after a shift Saturday evening, by 10am. It’s not happening by BART. Hard enough to do it at Barrel Room. Alright. It is what it is. April isn’t too far away….Gives me time to organize.

Tag under: GOALS, WINE STUDIES, PERSONAL STRIFE, WORK